You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
