just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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