i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
