so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
