Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
