Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
