dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
