Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
