Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
