He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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