Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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