He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize