i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
