there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
