i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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