Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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