i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
