oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
