I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
