Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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