his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
