Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
