that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
