your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love having hate sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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