Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
