Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
