drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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