never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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