do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
