You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she pinky promised me she was 18
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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