Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
