I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
