this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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