dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
