It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
