Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
In America we eat man semen.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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