i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
