update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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