Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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