i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
