News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
