That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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