Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
