If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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