I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
