"it" just moved
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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