once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
