he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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