i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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