listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
