by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
