so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
