do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
