do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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