We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A+ Viking dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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