His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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