Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
