I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
