We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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