dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize