The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize