ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize