dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You ate ashes out of my bong
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
