I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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