You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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