By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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