Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
