How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dicks are not precious.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
