Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
