I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
