If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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