im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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